Till my heart, Lord

A few days ago I read this piece on Mark Mallett's blog. What Mallett mentions about constantly lacking virtue really hit home. Let's just say, my recidivism rate over the last month or so was very very awful. Even so, when I went to confession, my sorrow and contriteness for my sins was genuine and my thanks to God for his mercy and forgiveness real. Yet shortlived. Much to my great shame, I fell back to my old ways, and all too quickly. I had been wondering why this was the case since my fervour and resolve not to sin again seemed so concrete after going to confession. Mallett, when struggling with the same situation, had an epiphany while adoring the Blessed Sacrament. He realised his heart was rocky, similar to the rock patches on which seeds fall in the Parable of the Sower. When God pours out his grace, those with rocky hearts welcome it with joy and thanks at first, but when a trial or temptation comes along, the root of the seed withers and fades. Clearly, my heart is like this rocky ground on which God's seeds of mercy and love fall. It cannot properly take root and so I fall at the first hurdle.

In considering this, I pondered how my heart could be changed from being rocky to being fertile or rich soil. As always, when seeking an answer, look to Jesus on the cross and ask him in communion and he will provide the answer. It was similar to the answer Mallett received. Works of charity and self-sacrifice are the ploughshares which will dig up the rocky ground and transform it, making it deeper so that roots may go further when seed is planted. Of course, like ploughing a field, this is hard work and can be painful. Yet hopefully when this rocky heart of mine is transformed into a more fertile one, and then worked again and again by the Lord, I may share the love and mercy I have received with others.

I recommend reading the post by Mallett. It reminds us why there is such a great need to live out our faith. It also suggests that the increase in blasphemies in the mainstream media may stem from the inaction and lack of charity of many believers like myself. Lacking charity in action, our hearts harden and become rocky. Christ, whose whole life was the greatest act of charity, bore the stripes of that great love in his body, like it had been tilled all over.